Say something about gay babies.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
