Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
