just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
