She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
