there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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