I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize