My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
