Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
