i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
