hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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