I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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