thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
