god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
