Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
