Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
