I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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