i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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