When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
