Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
