Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
