were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
