he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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