I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
