Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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