i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
