I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
