Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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