My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
