Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
