You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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