Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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