She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
