Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
