So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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