are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
