I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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