Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
