My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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