If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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