i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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