ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
