So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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