Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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