:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
