Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
tell me about the eggs