No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
