one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
