i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
