I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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