Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
