The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
