Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
