i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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