I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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