Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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