the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
