from now on my penis is your penis
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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