If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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