Already got asked if we're dating
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
