Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
