He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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