I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
