did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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