I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
