There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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