He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
