Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
