First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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