she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
