why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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