The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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